People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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