Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
