if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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