I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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