Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
