ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
