im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
