I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
