I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
