dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize