So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
