You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
