So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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