It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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