Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
