he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Found your dick twin last night
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
