and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
