This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
