Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
