A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
this will be a night to untag.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
