Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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