Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
