ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
