If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
