White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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