It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize