dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
