There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
