I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
