I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
