He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
