At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
