the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
