yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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