I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
