The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
