Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
