Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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