Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
