im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
