So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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