Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
