yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
