you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
