Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
