do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
