I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
