Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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