Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
