I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
