Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
