k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Randomize
