So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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