I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
