Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(573): View more from Missouri

I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.

Fav 13 1135 4356
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(775): View more from Nevada

At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.

Fav 4 2844 1672
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(303): View more from Colorado

Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo

Fav 10 3685 1656
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(818): View more from California

The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.

Fav 11 4800 1273
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.

Fav 4 2422 1232
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(204): View more from Manitoba

when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.

Fav 2 2378 844
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(817): View more from Texas

Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.

Fav 20 2970 973
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(216): View more from Ohio

That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches

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(757): View more from Virginia

His mom wants to come see the dorm.

(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Hide the whip.

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