can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
