the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
