I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
