she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
