Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
