I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
