I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
