Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
