so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
