This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
